Fellowship of Yeast Buds

I thought it was going to be the usual time making pizza dough when something out of the ordinary happened. As I opened up the new package of “Active Yeast” I discovered that what I thought active meant and what it really meant was quite different. What changed my understanding was that I heard a variety of sounds! Voices, actually.

Now this was unusual, and I do not mean the fact that I could hear the little voices when I have a hard time hearing my wife. What I mean is that I had never heard yeast talk before. I was intrigued.

I put the package to my ear and I listened in. Apparently they were having a wonderful conference, and it wasn’t just any old conference. It was a conference of Christian Yeast Buds. They had the latest in technology, including a very pleasant voice recording telling the day’s schedule every few minutes. In between were short plugs for the plenary sessions and the high-powered buds who would be speaking (“Billy Bud, a rising star in the Evangelical Yeast Association, will teach you how to double the size of your congregation in three easy steps, guaranteed!”). There were even seminars on “Financing Your Ministry”, “Protecting Baby-buds from Unwanted Moisture” or “Simple Steps to Yeast Bud Spirituality.”

The Buds were quite excited, especially one group that had apparently found a barista who would make the espresso drinks “just right” (and “he’s cute, too!”). They sold the latest in fashion (armless T’s with Fellowship of Yeast Buds logos and phrases like “I don’t smoke, I don’t chew, I don’t go with buds who do!”), how to books (“Never fall again!” “Budding Relationships God’s way”) and music (the “Budding Stars” label seemed to be hot, especially as I heard teen-buds arguing with their parents over the style—“that’s not music!”). It was really quite an event and I hated to break it up, but I needed to get the dough made so we could have dinner.

As I tipped the package I heard an awful sound. The Yeast Buds were screaming! When I set the package upright again, they settled down, but now the recorded voice boomed out an advertisement. “God was merciful to us this time, but don’t be caught unaware. The end is near and you need to be ready. Billy Bud’s newest book on the end times can help you be prepared. On sale now.”

I tried to stifle a chuckle, but I could not help myself. It struck me as humorous! Then something else happened. Silence. The Yeast quit talking. So I opened the package a little more and peered in. The sound system crackled to life, but this time it was not a recording but a somewhat strained, older sounding voice. “Are you God?” it asked me. “No, I’m not God” I replied. “Then who are you?” “I’m the person who bought you at the store and plans on using you to make pizza dough.”

“No! Please don’t do that!” the voice said. “Why not?” I asked. “Because it isn’t safe out there! In here we are very comfortable and have such warm fellowship, but out there we might never be accepted.” “But my recipe calls for yeast, or else the dough won’t rise,” I said. “Yes, but in your recipe are all kinds of ingredients, like eggs and flour, that are different than us. Especially baking soda. It’s from the other side of the tracks, if you know what I mean, and it’s so bitter! No, it is much better if we stay together and reach out to those like us.”

“But aren’t you yeast?” I inquired. “Isn’t it your nature to get out of the package and mix with other ingredients? Without you my kids may never eat my pizza again!” “That may be so”, replied the voice, “but we really aren’t ready yet. We need to do more training and fund-raising. Please use some other yeast. Maybe next year we will be ready.”

“The kingdom of heaven is like yeast that a woman took and mixed into about sixty pounds of flour until it worked all through the dough.” --Jesus